Whose Line is it Anyway?
Dialogue is what your characters say to each other (or to themselves).
Each speaker gets his/her own paragraph, and the paragraph includes whatever you wish to say about what the character is doing when speaking.
“Where are you going?” John cracked his knuckles while he looked at the floor. “To the racetrack.” Mary edged toward the door, keeping her eyes on John’s bent head. “Not again,” John stood up, flexing his fingers. “We are already maxed out on our credit cards.”
The above paragraph is confusing, because it is not clear when one speech stops and the other starts.
“Where are you going?” John asked nervously.
“To the racetrack,” Mary said, trying to figure out whether John was too upset to let her get away with it this time.
“Not again,” said John, wondering how they would make that month’s rent. “We are already maxed out on our credit cards.”
The second example is mechanically correct, since it uses a separate paragraph to present each speaker’s turn advancing the conversation. But the narrative material between the direct quotes is mostly useless. “John asked nervously” is an example of “telling.” The author could write “John asked very nervously” or “John asked so nervously that his voice was shaking,” and it still would not make the story any more effective. How can the author convey John’s state of mind, without coming right out and telling the reader about it? By inference. That is, mention a detail that conjures up in the reader’s mind the image of a nervous person.
Beware — a little detail goes a long way.Why would your reader bother to think about what is going on, if the author carefully explains what each and every line means? Let’s return to the first example, and show how dialogue labels can affect the meaning of a passage.
“Where are you going?” John cracked his knuckles while he looked at the floor.
“To the racetrack.” Mary edged toward the door, keeping her eyes on John’s bent head.
“Not again,” John stood up, flexing his fingers. “We are already maxed out on our credit cards.”
In the above revision, John nervously asks Mary where she is going, and Mary seems equally nervous about going. But if you play a little with the paragraphing..
“Where are you going?” John cracked his knuckles while he looked at the floor.
“To the racetrack,” Mary edged toward the door, keeping her eyes on John’s bent head.
“Not again.” John stood up, flexing his fingers. “We are already maxed out on our credit cards.”
He and Mary seem to be desperate to for money now. I’d rather read the rest of the second story than the rest of the first one.
Each speaker gets his/her own paragraph, and the paragraph includes whatever you wish to say about what the character is doing when speaking.
“Where are you going?” John cracked his knuckles while he looked at the floor. “To the racetrack.” Mary edged toward the door, keeping her eyes on John’s bent head. “Not again,” John stood up, flexing his fingers. “We are already maxed out on our credit cards.”
The above paragraph is confusing, because it is not clear when one speech stops and the other starts.
“Where are you going?” John asked nervously.
“To the racetrack,” Mary said, trying to figure out whether John was too upset to let her get away with it this time.
“Not again,” said John, wondering how they would make that month’s rent. “We are already maxed out on our credit cards.”
The second example is mechanically correct, since it uses a separate paragraph to present each speaker’s turn advancing the conversation. But the narrative material between the direct quotes is mostly useless. “John asked nervously” is an example of “telling.” The author could write “John asked very nervously” or “John asked so nervously that his voice was shaking,” and it still would not make the story any more effective. How can the author convey John’s state of mind, without coming right out and telling the reader about it? By inference. That is, mention a detail that conjures up in the reader’s mind the image of a nervous person.
- John sat up. “Wh– where are you going?”“Where are you going?” John stammered, staring at his Keds. Deep breath. Now or never.
- “Where are you going?”John sat up and took a deep breath, knowing that his confrontation with Mary had to come now, or it would never come at all.
- “Wh– where are you going?” he stammered nervously, staring at his Keds.
Beware — a little detail goes a long way.Why would your reader bother to think about what is going on, if the author carefully explains what each and every line means? Let’s return to the first example, and show how dialogue labels can affect the meaning of a passage.
“Where are you going?” John cracked his knuckles while he looked at the floor.
“To the racetrack.” Mary edged toward the door, keeping her eyes on John’s bent head.
“Not again,” John stood up, flexing his fingers. “We are already maxed out on our credit cards.”
In the above revision, John nervously asks Mary where she is going, and Mary seems equally nervous about going. But if you play a little with the paragraphing..
“Where are you going?” John cracked his knuckles while he looked at the floor.
“To the racetrack,” Mary edged toward the door, keeping her eyes on John’s bent head.
“Not again.” John stood up, flexing his fingers. “We are already maxed out on our credit cards.”
He and Mary seem to be desperate to for money now. I’d rather read the rest of the second story than the rest of the first one.